(Yes, I’m skipping goal 5 for now).
I enjoy socializing with and meeting new people, but sometimes
I think I’m different from most (but don’t we all?). For one, I’m interested in
a wide variety of activities. I enjoy socializing over craft beers, the
occasional night out dancing, book clubs discussion, painting or creating some
kind of crafty item, attending a sporting event or concert, and travelling, to
name a few. I also don’t feel the need to separate my friendships into
categories. For instance, I wouldn’t have a problem inviting my knitting group
and my heavy metal concert buddies to the same dinner party. You would think this
might make it easier for me to connect with people, but that hasn’t usually been
the case.
For the past few years, most of my friendships have actually
come about through my relationship with a significant other. They were “our
friends,” but once the relationship ended, those friendships also came to a
halt. It hurt, but maybe more than anything, it made me feel lonely, and in
some cases wonder why I was left in the dust.
In truth, they were his friends (or family), and maybe it
was somehow awkward or disloyal to continue to be friends with me. I know in
the circumstance of my last relationship that was likely the case. It was certainly
awkward for me, and I still don’t know how to go about reaching out to some of
these people, or if I even should in respect to him. I’m in a relationship now,
but I still don’t really have my own friends. I love his friends, and right now,
I consider them mine, but if this does end who knows what will happen?
So I have mixed feelings about goal number 6, but please don’t
think I’m just trying to put the blame on other people. Obviously, I’m the
common denominator.
In general, I haven’t been very good at forming friendships.
I’m shy and reserved, at least until I get to know someone well. I’m a bit socially
awkward, so I’m definitely not the best at small talk or finding some way in
which we can bond. And if I’m completely honest, I haven’t always done a good
job of reaching out first, keeping in touch or overall being a good friend. This
has been especially true during times when financial crises were at the
forefront, and socializing was the last thing on my mind. Forming friendships
with woman has seemed to be the most difficult.
I believe these factors, plus my predilection for taking
things too personally (self-centered much?), can help to explain why I find it
difficult to put myself out there emotionally. But it’s time to stop living in
the past.
I often wonder how bonds of friendship are created. I see
people who have known each other since they were in high school, and continue
to meet up for lunch or dinner periodically 40 years later, and I think it’s
awesome! I would love to find some people like that.
But what do I need to do? I never intend to put people off,
but maybe I come across as disinterested or as a bitch because of my initial
behavior? I’m sure I have hurt other people in ways that I’m unaware of as well,
but how can I address something it if it isn’t brought to my attention? I make
mistakes. I’m far from perfect. Otherwise, all I know how to do is be myself
and try my best to make an effort to reach out to people. I’ve started trying
to do that by joining Meetup, and I think the ones I have attended so far have
gone well. I guess only time will tell at this point.
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