2018 Goals Part 6: Socialize More and Make My Own Friends

(Yes, I’m skipping goal 5 for now).

I enjoy socializing with and meeting new people, but sometimes I think I’m different from most (but don’t we all?). For one, I’m interested in a wide variety of activities. I enjoy socializing over craft beers, the occasional night out dancing, book clubs discussion, painting or creating some kind of crafty item, attending a sporting event or concert, and travelling, to name a few. I also don’t feel the need to separate my friendships into categories. For instance, I wouldn’t have a problem inviting my knitting group and my heavy metal concert buddies to the same dinner party. You would think this might make it easier for me to connect with people, but that hasn’t usually been the case.

For the past few years, most of my friendships have actually come about through my relationship with a significant other. They were “our friends,” but once the relationship ended, those friendships also came to a halt. It hurt, but maybe more than anything, it made me feel lonely, and in some cases wonder why I was left in the dust.

In truth, they were his friends (or family), and maybe it was somehow awkward or disloyal to continue to be friends with me. I know in the circumstance of my last relationship that was likely the case. It was certainly awkward for me, and I still don’t know how to go about reaching out to some of these people, or if I even should in respect to him. I’m in a relationship now, but I still don’t really have my own friends. I love his friends, and right now, I consider them mine, but if this does end who knows what will happen?

So I have mixed feelings about goal number 6, but please don’t think I’m just trying to put the blame on other people. Obviously, I’m the common denominator.

In general, I haven’t been very good at forming friendships. I’m shy and reserved, at least until I get to know someone well. I’m a bit socially awkward, so I’m definitely not the best at small talk or finding some way in which we can bond. And if I’m completely honest, I haven’t always done a good job of reaching out first, keeping in touch or overall being a good friend. This has been especially true during times when financial crises were at the forefront, and socializing was the last thing on my mind. Forming friendships with woman has seemed to be the most difficult.

I believe these factors, plus my predilection for taking things too personally (self-centered much?), can help to explain why I find it difficult to put myself out there emotionally. But it’s time to stop living in the past.

I often wonder how bonds of friendship are created. I see people who have known each other since they were in high school, and continue to meet up for lunch or dinner periodically 40 years later, and I think it’s awesome! I would love to find some people like that.

But what do I need to do? I never intend to put people off, but maybe I come across as disinterested or as a bitch because of my initial behavior? I’m sure I have hurt other people in ways that I’m unaware of as well, but how can I address something it if it isn’t brought to my attention? I make mistakes. I’m far from perfect. Otherwise, all I know how to do is be myself and try my best to make an effort to reach out to people. I’ve started trying to do that by joining Meetup, and I think the ones I have attended so far have gone well. I guess only time will tell at this point.

Recaps: Bad Tom Smith Brewery and Latitudes Bar & Bistro

It’s been a busy week and a half of trying new places and having fun! I’d love to review everything individually, but I didn’t really get a whole lot of pictures, so I’m not sure it’s worth it. For now, I’m just going to do a recap of the ones from last weekend.

Bad Tom’s Brewery (Friday, February 23^rd): This brewery opened up in 2013, and recently expanded with a second location near Cleveland. As I mentioned in my last post, my boyfriend and I learned about Bad Tom’s through our bartender at Terry’s Turf Club. Terry’s offers a couple of Bad Tom’s beers on draft, and when we expressed interest in their selection, the bartender let us know they were just a block away.

We walked into a small brewery with only a few other guests, but a happy, lazy dog behind the main counter. The server there was very friendly and answered our questions about some of their selections, which included something for everyone, like Porter, IPA, and Pale Ale, etc. I ended up choosing their flagship beer on recommendation from a fellow guest, the Bad Tom Smith American Brown Ale, and it was good. I also bought myself a customary pint glass. I would go again, but next time, I’ll have to inquire about the story behind the brewery, featuring the outlaw, Bad Tom Smith. And get some pictures, of course.

Latitudes Bar & Bistro (Saturday, February 24^th): I found another “Girl’s Night Out” Meetup group and attended my first meet up with them on this Saturday. This new group is geared toward ladies on my side of town, so that’s a nice bonus.

Latitudes is located in the strip mall of one of my local Kroger grocery stores, so I was surprised by how busy it was, especially considering the hideous weather we had that prior week and throughout that weekend. To be honest, I wasn’t particularly feeling like going out that night, and pretty much had to force myself to do so. I’m glad I convinced myself in the end, though, as I met a lot of really awesome people, and had fun dancing to a local band called, Candygram!

I can’t attest to their food, which seems to feature Mediterranean inspired faire, but they were able to make me something close to my favorite drink (basically a dark and stormy – Spiced Rum and Ginger Beer plus lime), so I was happy. My only real complaint would be how slow the service was, but I try not to judge things like that the first time I go somewhere. I have been a server in the past so I’m always willing to give a second chance.

My First Meetup Event

In my last post, I mentioned that I was taking part in my first “Meetup” event. I’m happy to say it was a success! There ended up being about 16 of us, and we met up at Mitchell’s Fish Market in Newport, KY for dinner and cocktails. Everyone was very pleasant, and a few of the other women were attending their first event as well, which made it less terrifying. I was initially worried meeting up only an hour and 15 minutes before the movie might make the schedule tight, especially for having dinner, but there was just enough time to eat, drink, and converse with the women I sat near before we headed into the theatre.

One thing I was happy to discover was that a couple of them were parents of young children, and are still making the effort to have adult time with new and old friends. I’m glad to see more of the people in my life taking that kind of time. I’ve always dreaded the thought of having to completely give up my social life when I decide to have children or to have every event I plan be about “the family.” I understand that I won’t always be able to find a babysitter and there will be times when I’m just plain too exhausted to go out, but it gives me hope for my own future. (On a side note, I hope the way I said that didn’t sound too self-centered. I know someday my life will revolve around my family. I just believe that me time and couple time is just as important to maintain).

For dinner, I ordered the Bourbon-Brown Sugar Glazed Salmon, their current featured dish, and while it was good, I have to say it was overpriced and overrated. I’ve had salmon elsewhere for a much better price that I was equally pleased with, if not more so, and I absolutely love seafood, so I feel like I’m a decent judge. I also had a martini, the Pomegranate, as part of the Happy Hour. It wasn’t bad, but a bit sweet for my taste to have more than one. Overall, it was a good experience, but the restaurant itself wouldn’t be my first, second, or third choice for a night out. The wait staff (in the dining area anyway) were very friendly; however, and offered great service.

For the movie, the host had chosen Fifty Shades Freed. This normally wouldn’t have been a first choice for me, but I thought it would be a hoot going with so many other women. Plus, I had already seen the first two movies, so I would be able to follow the story. (I mean, I had to see what all the fuss was about since I hadn’t read the books), But honestly, the movie was dull. The first and second movie had some interesting sexy scenes at least, but in this one, even those scenes were vanilla. It was all vengeful plot and relationship building. BOR-ing. Lol. Maybe if I had read the books, and could get more into that back story that’s often missed when one only sees the shortened movie, I could understand it better. It just wasn’t for me.

The highlight of the night, though, had to have been when the host of our party kept yelling butt plugs at the top of her lungs. This was due to a scene in the movie where they briefly show a drawer of different butt plugs for Anastasia is to choose from, or at least what we all agreed were said sex toy. Eventually, one of the employees asked us to “move on” after pointing out that we were next to the door of one of the family movies. Probably not our proudest moment, but it definitely added to the fact that I’m looking forward to more of these meetups. Unfortunately, I didn’t get any pictures this time. I have to get better about that!

12 Resolutions: Better Late, Than Never

I’m ready to blog again. I missed all of January, which is typically considered the time of year when we (at least as far as the United States or any country that celebrates the New Year on January 1^st is concerned) come up with our resolutions for the year. What we want to change, add, or subtract. The term resolution really doesn’t end up holding much weight, though. It’s the commitment to not only creating a goal, but also adjusting our lifestyles and habits, which ends up making a permanent difference.

I suspect that’s why a lot of people fail to uphold their resolutions throughout the year. It’s not always easy to make permanent changes, whether positive or negative ones. Our brains tend to be creatures of habit, preferring to hold onto the status quo, even if it doesn’t always serve us the way we would like it to. It likes what it knows.

I mentioned in my last post that I’m on Part 2 of my weight loss goal this year, and I’m finally making a commitment to getting out of debt for good. I will make things official; however, mainly so I can hold myself accountable down the line. So here are my 2018 “resolutions” (in no special order):

1. Make writing a daily habit.

2. Lose more weight, and become stronger and fitter than ever before in the process.

3. Stick to my “EveryDollar” style budget, and pay off as much of my credit card debt as possible.

4. Improve my self-confidence in all aspects of my life.

5. Find a job that makes me feel valued and pays me what I’m worth.

6. Socialize more and make my own friends.

7. Improve my cooking skills, as well as my knowledge of wine, beer, and spirits

8. Be more creative through various avenues (painting, papercrafting, etc.).

9. Take 10 or so minutes every day to quiet my mind and let it be at peace; “Meditate.”

10. Learn to be a better communicator, especially in my personal relationships.

11. Try a new restaurant at least once per month (I’ll do a review!) I went to Frida’s in Covington, KY last weekend, but didn’t take any pictures. The Jalapeno margarita was excellent, with just a touch of spice to give it a nice kick! Their tacos were also very good. The highlight was probably the Brussels sprout taco. It was sautéed Brussels sprouts with smoked peanut sauce. It may sound odd, but it was delicious!

12. Try something else new as often as I can. I specifically want to do more things outdoors this spring and summer, like hiking.

There you have it. I think a lot of these things can occur together, like hiking contributing to fitness and weight loss, which is nice to think about. In fact, I will be working on #6, #11, and #12 this evening by attending a “Girls Night Out.” I found this event on Meetup, which I joined a while back, but never really used. For those who may not be familiar, Meetup is a site and app that allows people to form groups and create events for social and business networking purposes. Tonight, I’m joining a bunch of strangers for dinner at Mitchell’s Fish Market (a restaurant I oddly haven’t been to yet), then seeing “Fifty Shades Freed.” It should be…interesting.